Handjob questions…you’ve asked, and we’ve answered! Today we’re going back to the basics, looking at:

• What is a handjob?
• How to give a handjob?
• How to give a good handjob?

Plus, we’ll be looking at other helpful tips, techniques and giving some handjob advice. Exciting!

So whether you’ve never given someone a handjob before, or you’re simply looking to improve your skill set, you’ll surely find a tip or two here. 

What is a Handjob?

According to Kinkly:

“A handjob is a form of manual stimulation performed on a penis. It may be used as foreplay or may be continued to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. It involves many techniques, which differ depending on partner preferences and may or may not include stimulation of the testicles, scrotum and perineum, along with the penis.”

Handjob Essentials

Let’s journey further into some handjob essentials, starting with… 

1. Before the Handjob

Communication

Communication before, during, and after intimacy (and throughout a relationship) is important because it allows partners to learn about and understand each other’s boundaries, needs, preferences, and desires. 

It’s also a way to incorporate feelings of safety and security, which can result in more comfortable and satisfying intimate experiences.

Some communication tips include:

• Be open and honest. For example, there is no shame in disclosing you’ve never given a handjob before. It’s okay to be a little nervous! 
• Talk with your partner before any new type of sexual contact so that you can make an informed decision.
• Be understanding, respectful, and non-judgemental of your partner's thoughts and feelings.
• Discuss getting tested for STIs before being sexually intimate.
• Discuss ejaculation. If ejaculation occurs, discuss the do’s and don’ts, such as where ejaculation should or shouldn’t happen (e.g. on the body, onto the bed, into a tissue). 

Consent

When it comes to intimacy and sexual activity, consent is non-negotiable. 

The University of Stirling includes the following within their definition of consent:

• Consent is where a person willingly agrees to have sex or engage in a sexual activity.
• To give consent, the person must be able to make their own decisions.
• A person who is incapacitated through alcohol or drugs, or who is asleep or unconscious, cannot give consent to sexual activity.
• Agreeing to engage in one form of sexual activity (e.g. kissing) does not mean that a person has given consent to all forms of sexual activity.
• Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
• Just because a person has given consent to sexual activity once does not mean that they have given consent for that type of activity in the future.
• Sexual activity without consent is rape or sexual assault.
• Someone forced to do something against their will is not giving consent.

Although there are other ways of defining consent (for example, SexWise breaks it down into three parts: capacity, freedom, and agreement), most echo what is outlined above.

Foreplay

Then, there’s the question of foreplay or no foreplay… 

For many, foreplay is a great way to get comfortable and slowly gain momentum throughout a sexual experience. This could include things like a sensual massage, groping, deep kissing, dry humping, etc. And while some people love a bit of foreplay, some may find it frustrating.

Once you’re ready to get properly physical with your partner, you might start by rubbing their genitals over their clothes before pulling down their trousers.

Safety and comfort

• Hands and nails: before you begin, you may want to cut, trim, or tidy your nails to avoid causing any discomfort. Consider using moisturiser on your hands to create an extra soft sensation, and make sure your hands are clean!

• Prep everything you’ll need (e.g. lube, toys, condoms, cleanup supplies) and find somewhere you’ll be safe and comfortable, where you won’t be disturbed. 

And finally, when you’re ready to really get started on your partner’s penis, here are some handjob tips and techniques… 

2. Handjob Tips

• Lube: for many, a handjob with no lube (a.k.a. a dry handjob) can be painful. Although using spit is an idea, it isn’t ideal. The best way to give a good handjob is to choose the right type of lube. Water-based lubes are great because they are compatible with most condoms, have a natural feel, are easy to clean, and are gentle on the skin.

• Body language: if you’re giving someone a handjob and you notice that they’re backing away from your grip, this may mean that you’re pulling their penis a bit too tight or too fast. On the contrary, if you feel them thrusting into your hand, this may mean that they’re enjoying the experience and are approaching climax. If in doubt, verbal communication with your partner can be helpful. 

• Communicate: during the handjob, don’t be afraid to ask things! Questions such as “do you like that,” “shall I go faster,” and “would you like to try a toy now,” can enhance the experience and ensure you’re both having a good time! 

3. Handjob Techniques 

• Start slow: use light touch and slow strokes to begin with, and take hints from your partner as to how and when you should start ramping things up. Regardless of whether you’ve opted for a bit of foreplay, some light touching and teasing, such as gently gliding your fingertips over their penis, is usually a great way to build anticipation. 

• Touch other areas: you could also lightly touch them further down, like around their perineum (i.e. the skin between the testicles and the anus). 

• Use pre-cum: during a handjob, your partner may release a bit of pre-cum. Pre-cum is a good sign, not only because it signifies arousal, but also because pre-cum can aid in lubrication, as you spread it around the head of the penis with your fingertip. But remember: pre-cum is not a replacement for lube! Use actual lube if you are looking for a smooth and more comfortable glide.

• Use two hands on their penis: you could choose to interlock your fingers around their penis in order to stroke it. Or, you may want to stack both hands on top of one another, twisting them in a downward motion. 

• Use two hands; one on the penis, another elsewhere: as you stroke their penis with one hand, the other can be used in a different capacity. You could cup their scrotum, tease another one of their erogenous zones, or even touch yourself.

• Focus on the head of the penis: hold the shaft of your partner’s penis with one hand while the other does a swirling motion over the head of their penis.

• Handjob plus using your mouth: whilst giving your partner a handjob, you could put their scrotum in your mouth, lick their perineum, perform analingus, or tease a blowjob (by licking the head of their penis). 

4. Handjob Positions

• The Masturbator: first, you and your partner get into the spooning position (you’ll be the little spoon). Next, fill your hand with lube, create a tunnel with it, and place it behind your back (on your backside). Your partner will then thrust into your cupped hand at a speed and intensity that feels good to them.

• Kneeling: for this, you can kneel in front of your partner while they stand or sit (on a chair, the edge of the bed, etc.). Consider adding some eye contact to enhance the connection and heighten arousal.

• The Movie Theatre: sat side by side (on the sofa, a bed, etc.), you can give your partner a handjob while watching TV, a film, or even an erotic video.

• The Cowgirl: just like the sex position, you could give your partner a handjob by straddling them in the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position. The cowgirl position is when you straddle your partner in such a way that you’re sitting on top of them, facing each other. The reverse cowgirl position is when you’re sitting on top of them in such a way that you’re facing their feet. Either way, it provides some incredible visuals for the receiver.

5. After the handjob

Aftercare is a very important element when it comes to sexual intimacy. It’s a time for partners to relax, bond, and make sure that their emotional needs are met after sexual activity. In fact, aftercare has a way of intensifying connections and improving one’s mental health.

How can you incorporate aftercare following a handjob? You could clean up together, whether it's making the bed, cleaning the sheets, or putting items away that you’ve used. You could take a sensual shower together to freshen up. Or, you could simply be with each other and cuddle.

Advantages of Handjobs?

Sure, handjobs feel amazing for the receiver, but they can also be turn-ons for the giver, too! Pleasuring your partner often feels satisfying–especially when they say that you give a good handjob! 

What are some other advantages of handjobs?

• Lower risk of STIs (but make sure your hands are clean, and check for any cuts which could make it easier to pick up or pass on an STI).
• Pregnancy is less of a concern.
• It’s a great way to move from masturbation to sexual experimentation.

How to Enhance Your Handjob Experience

Last but not least, there are endless other ways to elevate your handjob experience. 

Even if your handjob skills are already quite impressive, these tips might teach you how to give a good handjob that your partner may love even more. 

Some of these are perfect for beginners, and some are excellent for more advanced lovers.

• Incorporate dirty talk into your playtime.
• Try edging, which is when someone prolongs the lead-up to orgasm by stopping all sources of pleasure right before climax.
• Include an element of BDSM, such as light spanking, bondage, or power exchange.
• Give your partner a handjob somewhere new (like in a hotel room or a private pool).
• Try stimulating other erogenous zones, like the nipples, during a handjob.

Finally, use sex toys! There are so many different types of toys to enjoy, and so many combinations, depending on what you like.

Some examples:

• Use a masturbation sleeve to give a partner a handjob.
• Use a prostate massager during a handjob.
• Use a feather tickler to tease the testicles.
• Use nipple clamps for extra stimulation.

Now that you know how to give a handjob—heck, a good handjob—it’s time to be creative and enjoy the bliss that comes with your partnered play.